This drawing has a very special place in my heart. It involves a story that is both painful and beautiful at the same time.

I created this during my time in the army, which was very challenging for me; I was mentally in quite a dark place. A lot of that time has vanished completely from my mind, but a few clear memories have stayed. And the moment of creating this drawing is one of them.

I was sitting at the table at our quarters with this very page open in front of me. For those unfamiliar with the army, it was a small room that consisted of bunk beds, a row of dull metal lockers, and a table. I perceived this as something close to jail, because there was a constant, choking feeling inside my chest, like being trapped somewhere I couldn’t get out of. In the worst moments, there was blackness surrounding the edges of my vision, and here I had to fight really hard because I felt like it would consume me and I would lose my consciousness.

As I was sketching out this portrait, something wonderful occurred; the grim place begun to vanish until there was only me creating this picture. During this moment, the trapped feeling inside my chest disappeared and I could breathe freely. I was in another place. I can’t name it, and it’s hard to describe, but it was a formless place where I felt light and safe. I felt softness and warm love of the purest nature.

I created most of the drawing in that stunning place. The experience was so potent that this loving feeling stayed with me for many days after.

It taught me a profound lesson that, to be honest, I still struggle to understand completely. It revealed a powerful force that can always be found within, regardless of the physical environment. Here, I was very close to God.

And, the amusing thing is that I wouldn’t have discovered this lesson, if I didn’t have this dreadful experience. Had I quit the army, I wouldn’t have learned about this power inside myself, in such a beautiful way.

PS. I have gone through my “archives” of old works in recent days, and I’ve found many cool artworks I had completely forgotten about. You can find these in the Portfolio.